Shark Attack at The Alamo!

Picture this.

The sun is going down, and that lovely light blue lake you’ve been floating on has turned a sinister dark black, enveloping everything around you with an unforgiving darkness. Yes, you’re on a giant yellow inner-tube, but that doesn’t stop your legs from dangling in the water, kicking around like some kind of little fish. And in front of you, on a gigantic screen, the world’s most famous shark is slowly swimming into a pond, much like the one you’re floating in, as the sound of deep evil bass notes roll through you, and you watch as this monster begins to hunt, ready to tear anyone apart who is swimming in it’s way.

I’m not going to lie, it was at this point when Jaws on the Water started to goddamn freak me out.

And I loved it.

JAWS ON THE WATER

I was invited down by The Alamo to try one of their Rolling Roadshow events. The best theater chain in the world does gigantic screenings that showcase films the way they’re meant to be seen – as an experience. For the second year in a row, they set up Steven Spielberg’s classic Jaws, in a pond, in a water park, for hundreds to come and watch at a time.

This is what they say about it:

We’re returning to our 2017 Austin home of Volente Beach Resort, on the shores of beautiful Lake Travis. But while the shores may be beautiful, the creatures lurking in the depths below could be anything but…

When you dive into the JAWS ON THE WATER experience your ticket includes…

* An ALL-NEW shark-approved inner tube that you get to keep. We can’t show you what this one looks like yet, but we’ve completely redesigned our tubes for 2018, and this year’s tube will be the first to feature a headrest, and by an insane amount of popular demand – A CUPHOLDER!

* Admission to Volente Beach Resort fun from 6:00PM – 8:30PM, with all rides and hang out spots open, including the Lazy Lagoon, The Sidewinder, volleyball, a beachside bar and grill and a whole lot more.

* A ticket to the On the Water screening of one of the greatest films of all time.

* An explosive finale (on nights when the fire marshal allows it).

* The chance to be a floating shark snack for a squad of scuba divers to scare.

Let me mentioned, by the way, how much I love The Alamo. Oh my god. If you have never had the joy of experiencing an Alamo screening, then come to a city where they are (or do what I did and move there) and try one out at once. It’s really the best way to experience films. Big comfortable seats, giant crisp screens and sounds, you can order food, or drinks, or full bottles of win right from your chair and they have a zero talking or cell phones policy. It’s heaven.

So of course I wanted to see what they could do when they took The Alamo experience outside of The Alamo.

THE BEACH IS OPEN AT VOLENTE

We traveled about half an hour outside of the city to Volente Beach, a water park that sounds likes a spot where you might be murdered by some sort of monster with a revenge plot.

Turns out, not so far off.

The water park is pretty damn good. It’s not an epic all day kind of spot, but has a few pretty solid rides, a beach, and a lot of ways to cool off in that Austin sun.

We also we’re treated to a decent bite of taco lunch. Nom.

Now, of course, The Alamo had added its special Alamo touches to the space, creating everything from sand sharks to the defaced Amity Beach sign from the film.

And since this was a special kind of film goer to come to an event like this, you can imagine there was some shark-based cosplay going on.

THE MOVIE

As the day got later, people began wading in the water in our custom made Alamo shark attack inner tube with headrest and cup holder.

Did I mention that every ticket comes with a custom made Alamo shark attack inner tube with headrest and cup holder. Oh, it’s so good.

We took our tube and rocked into the pond. It filled slowly for a while (making it hard to stay in one place. Shamaine and I basically became otters as we floated around holding hands) and then suddenly, it was packed, filled with people, and the sun started to go down.

And the movie began.

As mentioned before, I was actually surprised how freaked out I got, floating in the water, watching a movie about a giant shark. Of course it didn’t help that every now and again, the water would turn red around you, sometime might tug on your leg and then a scuba diver would appear besides you, rising from the depths.

All together now: AHHHHHHHHHH!

To ease your nerves, you could buy bracelets before getting into the water, each one representing one drink. And then you can hand your bracelet to a bartender waiting on the side of the docks to get yourself a drink.

All together now: Ahhhhhhhhh…

THE GRAND FINALE

“Smile, you son of a bitch.”

The whole night ended with a bang!

Loved it.

I loved everything about this. All the joy of the original film mixed in with the fear of being in the water while watching it. As long as you survive, what could be better?

Jaws on the Water is located at Volente Beach Resort, 16107 FM 2769, Leander, TX 78641. Get tickets to the final weekend of the movie here.

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